To the guy who posted the video for the
1996 Honda Accord and his girlfriend now fiance, I’ve been authorized by Carmax to
make a legal and binding offer for “Greenie,” the aforementioned Accord. Now, Carmax doesn’t play games, haggle or pull the
wool over anyone’s eyes and with our same price for everyone policy we can’t –
nay, WON’T – get into a bidding war for the car. But believe me when I tell you that
your commercial has made a 1996 Honda Accord sized hole in our heart and we
WILL NOT REST until we’ve filled it. So, here’s what we’re prepared to offer:
We’ll buy the Accord. Obviously. We’d also like to buy the cat for $5,000. We’re cat
people. That old passenger seat coffee pot? We want it. Let’s say thirty five hundo.
Mexico mug? Need it. Two grand. Also your fiance’s fuzzy sweatshirt jacket thing
looks comfy so let’s call that another couple of cozy Gs. And at the end when
she’s eating the sandwich on the cliff at sunset? If there’s any leftover we want
that too. We’ll give you five hundred. Four hundred if it has mayonnaise. That’s
right, we want it all. Our offer? Let’s round up and call it $20,000. This offer is redeemable in any of our 188 Carmax locations for the
next 7 days, like all our written offers. The Mexico mug is non-negotiable.
The cat is optional. At Carmax we buy all the cars and sometimes the jackets
and sandwiches too.