I Bought A New Car!

I Bought A New Car!

(car horn beeps) – Thanks for my car, bye. (laughs) Open. Get in Ben, get in, Ben get in. Get in, we’re taking the bow. Run them over, run them over. (car horn beeps) (laughs) – Wait, stop, bring it back. (upbeat electro music) – So this morning, I’m
picking up my brand new car. Oh my God relatable,
Christian you’re so relatable. With all your money. It’s just so relatable. So I’ve lived in Melbourne for five years and I sold my car when I was in Adelaide ’cause I lived nextdoor to
work and I just didn’t need it. And I left work recently
and now I’m sorta stuck in South Melbourne where I live and I wanna get out and I’ve bought a car and we’re going to pick it up. That’s what we’re gonna do. There’s two reasons why
I’m buying this car. Reason number one is the
reason I tell everyone, which is I wanna go
exploring Melbourne, huh. And if you know me, you
know that’s absolute lies ’cause I live at home. For the last five years
I’ve really used and abused the local population Grindr wise, so I’ve gone through all
the local Grindr boys in South Melbourne and I
figured like getting a car I can expand the radius so
I can go out and (laughs) have a lot more sex with the people. That’s actually the real reason. – [Ben] Shall we go? – Mm, I’ve gotta pay for the coffee. – [Ben] I’m not paying for the coffee. – Oh. I’m so used to Emmylou, like
she has her own TV show, and she has this going on
and she’s so natural at it. But I forget how to walk, like. (Ben laughs) Where do I put my hands? Now there’s a camera
on me, do I look nice? Just tire me. Here we go. To the car. Check out this, ow. I wonder how much weight I’m gonna put on now that I have a car. Ooh. I have many dreams and goals in life that sort of, you get to a pivotal moment where you can afford
something, like buying a car. That’s a good moment. The next stage in my life, is that. Heated floors, Ben, heated floors. My aunt has them. My aunt was a sitting politician, very astute, very high level, but I’d go to her house
’cause you’d turn on the heated floors. I mean, an abhorrent waste of power and her bills are so expensive, but you walk into a tiled
bathroom and you’re like, “Oh the floors are so warm.” And you just lie on the
floor, it’s so great. Did you, you got their logo in that? Film that, just film that, just film that. – [Ben] What, Why? – Just film that. – [Ben] Is it, it that the right one? – Yeah, all right, good,
now put them in a video. Let’s see how much discount I get. So when you think about big influencers, and the cars that they’ve bought. Oh my God, they have Jeeps, right? And so I’ve bought myself… a J-Mazda. I’m so excited. It’s actually, I’ve actually
always wanted a Mazda. The first time I got in a
Mazda, which was the worst car, ah it’s a boring story,
there’s loads of… (traffic roars) Just film me, just stay
there and I’ll walk in. (upbeat electro music) Hi, oh you think I’ve got dog treats. Oh, no, okay, well that was. (Saleswoman laughs) (beeping) Why does he like you more? Pogo, Pogo. Well you’ll happily let him sniff around your crotch won’t you? My turn. (everyone laughs) Ah, it’s true love. Some people have said, Christian– (car alarm blares) Oh shit. – [Ben] How’s it all going? – Yeah great, what are you talking about? I’ve paid everything. – [Ben] I mean, you’ve
spent a lot of money on this car right? Maybe you should steal some shit, just to make it worth while. (bag rustles) (keyboard clatters) – I’ll then barter the
price of the car down and give him back one item at a time. Like hold them hostage. – [Ben] Think he’s coming
back, I think he’s coming back. – How you going? Okay so first, your zero balance contract. So I’ve got those for us. – [Christian] Great. – We will do the… Can I have my keyboard? – [Christian] I haven’t taken it. Hand it over. – [Christian] Look I’ve paid top dollar and I just thought I’d take some things to even up the balance. Are you willing to knock a $1,000 off (Ben laughs) for this part of your keyboard. (everyone laughs) Okay, so it’s a $1,000
off the car for that part and then I think this is
probably worth about $5,000 off. (everyone laughs) I’m please to report that that didn’t work and I am still paying
full price for the car. Can I get the car now? – [Saleswoman] Yes. – Can I come and… Yes? Wait, is the dog gonna
reveal the number plate? Oh my God, the dog’s gonna
reveal the number plate. I’ve bought a car. Love me. And then what’s the number plate? ♪ Can you guess it ♪ Yes, I sort of regret
that, but not really. Oh the key, throw it, throw it, the key. Ah. Guys I own a car. (beeps) On. Congratulations Christian. I mean, the font choice, I
don’t like the font choice. This does make me feel important. (umbrella rustles) (gasps) It doesn’t come down
when you push the button. – [Saleswoman] No (laughs) – [Salesman] Give it a push. – [Ben] They didn’t get the
memo about you hating balloons? – Ah, oh my God. (slow-motion voice distortion) (everyone laughs) Don’t do that. Don’t do that, that’s really mean. You may take the balloons away please. Thank you. They say they’re fans of mine, yet they lace the car
with balloons don’t they? Don’t. (Ben laughs) I christen thy car. (everyone laughs) That’s how you christen it. It’s a deal. You’ve sold me a car. Thanks Pogo. You’re the only good employee here. (laughing) No, ooh, ooh. (everyone laughs) Don’t, he hates me. – [Salesman] Go say sorry. (Christian gasps) Go and say sorry. – It’s so big and bulky. (everyone laughs) Your apology accepted. (everyone laughs) Come on Pogo, driving. (upbeat electro music) (Christian gasps) It’s such a cool car. I think I’m too fat. Does it open any more? Oh my God, ah. Ah (laughs) I’ve just scratched the skin off my back. – [Ben] Are you gonna
be okay to get back in? – Are we good? Yes, I can get back in. Oh okay, you don’t need to film this. I’ve been doing so well with Jenny Craig. Oh, ah. (car horn beeps) Thanks for my car, bye. (Ben laughs) Get in Ben, get in, Ben get in. Get in, we’re taking the bow. Run them over, run them over. (car horn beeps) (laughing) – Wait, stop, bring it back. Oh my God, I’m actually driving away. I’ve got my phone, my
bag, everything, my, ah. There’s a woman with a pram. What do I do? Do I hit her? Do I have right of way? I’m feeling I can’t, I can’t see. (panting) I’m genuinely really nervous. Good luck everyone. (retching) Oh my God (retching) Okay we did it. Oh, what’s she doing? I don’t know if I have right of way. Mm, my God, I’m so stressed out. Ah. Oh, the speed limit. I’ve gotta worry about things
like that now, don’t I? Oh, I don’t have anywhere
to park this at home. I didn’t think of that. Fuck! (upbeat electro music)

About the Author: Michael Flood


  1. I challenge you to drive out here to Nazza Wazza on the Monash. Fountain Gate is an experience haha (and if all else fails we have a 24/7 drive thru Kripsy Kremes so not a total loss haha). Congrats xoxo

  2. I love Australia so much! I would love to live there or travel around all Australia! Super lucky to live there!πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

  3. Hahaha gold.
    Enjoy your new car. I have a Mazda sports 25. Absolutely beautiful cars. Hubby and daughter have Mazda's also

  4. U leaning on the car and the alarm going off I literally DIED of laughter! P.S. I FREAKING LOVE THAT PUPPY! He's so beautiful! I bought myself a brand new Suzuki Vitara once I graduated uni and bought a house and I fucking LOVE my car! If I ever buy a new car it'll be another Suzuki Vitara!

  5. Other youtubers out there buying up the latest Tesla and here’s Christian with a Mazda Dad car. Time to take the kids to cricket practice 🀣🀣🀣

  6. Yehey! Welcome to the Mazda club! Also, you are one of the few in this world that can actually make me cry-laugh so hard that my face hurts 🀣

  7. Get a dash cam.
    Also if you have nowhere to park your car, you will have to move. After you had the struggle with the bookshelf on the stairs…..

  8. I picked up my new car today after my Boyfriend crashed my old one. Nothing like driving a new car and being petrified of hurting it.

  9. I love how you know you've made it by buying a car and heating and I said my twins can go on a trip to New York on a school trip. I get a tram to work and eat noodles. πŸ˜†

  10. This video make me laugh but cry all at the same time I just went for a loan for a second hand Mazda and did not get approved 😭😭😭guess I am still carless

  11. You needed a car to get more πŸ†πŸ†πŸ† πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    Should we be taking bets on how soon before the Tryshmobile gets her first ding? Poor Christian, you look such a nervous driver! Goodluck out there, to you and everyone around you πŸ˜‚

  12. Congratulations on your new motor!!! I got my brand new car on the 2nd August; its spent half that time in the garage being fixed!
    Not happy considering it's a near Β£36K car.

  13. omg you bloody kill me. Fantastic choice in car Christian!

    Someone crashed into my Mazda so Im currently renting a Hyundai while I wait for repairs. I miss my Zoom-Zoom so much :'(

  14. β€œYou don’t need to film this, I’ve been doing so well with Jenny Craig” πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ honestly iconic

  15. Christian…theres nothing better than the smell of a new car! I just bought My first ever New 2019 car a Nissan Micra..black too…So happy! Though I dont have my name on the plates..show off! I wouldnt let Trish drive it..not after shes been on a party night!

  16. Oh you’re going to regret it.
    Mazda Geelong just screwed me over $4000 for a timing chain and apparent chamber components.
    They say my motor is now completely ruined after 3000ks.
    Good luck!

  17. Omg OK storytime.. I just picked up my car 2 weeks ago.. And I'm from New Zealand. I ended up crying because my partner dropped me. Off to get the car.. I drove his car back.. And it took me like 2 hours to get back home.. Because I got lost.. I pretended I was a tourist and asked for directions..she laughed and said you literally go straight and your in Narre

  18. How rudeeeee. I bought a Mazda there , no sign no balloons or ribbon no one threw me the keys – you're so #famous hun! Also have fun, loved my Mazda x

  19. You seriously make any shitty day better! Love your content so much you have no idea ❀️❀️❀️

  20. Everyone in Melbourne seems to have this Mazda SUV πŸ˜‚
    Same as when you Mazda 3 2012 model came out & EVERYONE got the bright blue car. That’s the one I got when the dealer told me no one picks that colour & it’s the only colour I’ve seen them πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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