*Wapish* Top of the mornin’ to ya laddies! my name is jacksepticeye and welcome back to HAPPPPPPPY WHEEEEEEEELS *in reverse* This message is in reverse! How does this sound like? I haven’t done any jacksepticeye levels in a really, really long time so I wanna go back and see what new ones there are I was gonna go to the rating, or the playcount, or something but I think I might end up playing some of the ones I’ve already played and then forget that I played them because *looks down in shame* that’s happened before *laughs at own mistakes* Also, I’m standing up now in this video! so this could be VERY dangerous *you know it* jacksepticeye spikes! oh God oh Je— Ummmmm… What? Is this even doable? Well, what am I saying? of course it is *grimaces* Oh, it’s doable. Oh, it’s fookin’ doable alright ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ’cause you gotta go like this you gotta—OHHHHHHHH *inhales* STEEEVE *anger intensifies* I SWEAR ta’ fookin’ Kerbals— *inhales* NOOOOOOO, THAT’S NOT IT You gotta do— you gotta do tha’ jumpy Jew, you gotta OHHHHHHHH I just gotta skim my ass off this part, and then I can SLIDE down and do the thing! Or maybe… MAYBE OHHHHH *disappointment* COME ON COME ON You’re not even stuck in that ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) you were just a fuck *and who can say where the road goes?* DAMMIT YESYESYESYES AHHHH THE FOOKIN’ SEGWAY AHHHHHHH Watch this, watch this, you jump and then you fall off the segway if my head didn’t come off, that would’ve been perfect OH OH OH OH OH OH NO OHH Steve Awhehehe *laughs at Steve’s death* That’s fine, Steve. Pobody’s Nerfect *???* nooooo *through clenched teeth* I need to do this, I need to, I need to FOR ALL OF THE COOKIES IN THE BAG *imagine Fran Bow voice* I knew that was a bad one *fart* I can’t believe I did it perfect, and your fookin’ head came off. WILL YOU STOP DOIN’ THAT? sa—jus—stop, stop, stop… there we—there we—there—there there there fook I was gonna say “Are ye still alive?” and then I should’ve “mined” my own business. HAH! OH OH OH OH OH *hiss* OHHHHH OHOHH HOHOHOHO AHAHAHAHA I think that would’ve counted *pure disappointment* You’ve bested me. You’ve best— I can’t. I can’t do it, I can’t. I can’t, I can’t *reads message* Awwweee Thank you, Holly *reads PS* HOLLY! I just felt all nice about you! You said a nice message! *reads text* “Prove you are really the boss!” Ohhhh—kay. Okay. I can do that *oh, really?* oh shit *laughs at Steve’s demise again* *velociraptor shriek* OH GOD ALMIGHTY Oh, there we go, there we go *repeats this* THERE WE GO! Whose accent’s better, now? Pro—probably still yours ;c *reads message* Thank you! I appreciate the support! SPEEED IS KEYYYY! Oh fook, oh Jesus Christ! Speed was definitely equal to or greater than key! I can fookin’ do this, I can do this. Apparently I can’t YEEEEEAAAAAH BABY! IT GOES ON LIKE MY HEART AND CELINE DION Ohhh, sweet love of fook *utter amazement* That was crazy! *game noises* Oh, oh, oh! I didn’t even have time to react to the fuckin’- *angered gasp?* How?! Ho-OOH! Just like- just like that! Just like- ah, fuck… Fuck, I- oh god, I stuck myself in the ground with the arrow. C’mon, Pete! Yes. Yes. Pete’s not one to be knocked down. Pete’s not one to be knocked down and stay that way for- oh- *loud, manly yell* I didn’t know there was mines! *unintelligible noises* Yes! I d-AH FFFFFFUCK. I thought you all fired! I didn’t know there were some left… God damnit, anyway… what am I supposed to do with myself now? What am I- what am I supposed to do with myself now?! Oh, sh-… *inhales loudly* *tiny voice* Ooh. *LOUD SCREAMING* OHHHHHH! OHHHH, I ALMOST DID IT! Okay, okay, okay, okay. You gotta use the mine. You gotta use the mine. *exasperated breathing* Dodge these fuckers. *jack’s getting angry* DODGE THESE- Dodge those fuckers. Then, wait for the arrows to arrow. And then, and then, and then… and then! We will all have a merry Christmas. And then, we will all go out and get tea and crumpets. And then, we will all go FUCK ourselves. ‘Cos SCREW IT! We gotta HIT that- …and fly across. *jack mimicking the game perfectly* Sounds like we’re on a fuckin’ arrow horse. Nobody knows what it’s like… to be the Jackman. To have arrows in Ass-man. BEHIND BLUE EYES! It’s modern art! Jacksepticeye throw! This one I can fuckin’ do. This one I could do in my sleep. I’m wasting a bunch of swords, though! WOO, BILLY! Fuck you. “Killed your wife”, “ate the last cookie”, well, I’m glad you’re dead, then. Eating my cookies like that… *sudden realisation* Why did I restart the level?! Oh, I’m so used to just restarting the level now! From the last couple… ohh, ohhhh, Sacajawea… There we go… you’re dead, you’re dead… it’s a nice time. Are my hands stuck?! Steve, are your hands stuck?! Get your hands out of your pants, and do something good wit’ yer life! C’mon, Steve, man! Ohh, this game just wants to fuckin’… oh, it just wants to fuckin’. Willy! You’re not supposed to be here! Get away! …Oh, my ass… oh, my a- eat my ass, Willy! Eat- *realisation* That sounds bad. Steve. Steve. Steve, no. Steve, no. Steve. Ste- *angered sigh* *Victory sound* I WOOOON! That’s all that matters! All that matt- he ate my last cookie. But you know what? You’re gonna burn in hell for that. That’s where your retribution is gonna be. I don’t need to kill you right now. ‘Cos you will die! IN THE AFTERLI- *realisation* …you have to die before you get to the afterlife… Nevermind. *evil laugh* Here is my retribution. Push the Billies… in the stairs? “I hope nobody gonna push me!” Ohh, I’m gonna more than push you. I’m gonna push you, I’m gonna smush you, I’m gonna blend you.. into little Billy bits! That other one survived, but it’s okay. He will see all his brothers die. He will see all his brothers die, and he will wonder- oh my god… just smashing all of their faces. I just remembered that they’re kids at the end of the day. Oh god, oh jesus, fuckin’ hell! “Kill us!” With gusto, baby!! *victory noise* I didn’t get to push him into the mine at the end… I must do it again. DIE, YOU BILLY BASTARDS! YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE PICTURES OF ME IN THE SHOWER AND LAUGH?! Oh, no, you can’t do that, because I… will murder you! Hold on to my segway, bitch! YYYES! It’s a spikefall level for me! And I have to use Steve for it, so… Where? Where?? Wh- ohh, okay! Okay! Okay!! That was supposed to be the sound of the victory, not the sound of the shit…tory. Faster, faster, faster, and JUMP! Majestic. Eagle. Could you be any closer. Your arms and legs are in the finish zone. STEVE. If your father never told you he was disappointed in you, let ME tell you. Because ffffffFFFFUCK you, Steve! I got it. (x14) I don’t got it! Is this even possible?! I’m going my max speed, and I’m jumping- well, that was a shit. That-that was a pooper. HUOH! Is it EVEN possible?! You know what we’re gonna have to do? We’re gonna have to jump. HOAH! What did I just do? What did I just do? I did, like, a multiple-kinda jumpy thing on the segway. HOUH! HAUH! HECH!! I’m going to give it the literal best shot I can. Right at the edge, right at the edge, oh, there it is, now, full speed, and, HUAH! I literally CANNOT do more! I literally CANNOT do more than that! I can jump off, but I go down at the same speed, at the same rate. *calm breath* I’m gonna be fine. Jump over that, and then JUMP over this, and then fly! Or die. Hold on a minute now. (x3) Ohhhh, there’s a secret! There’s a secret way to do it. HEUH! You just gotta- ya gotta be fast. Ya gotta get the timing right. You gotta get the timing right. And when you do, glory will be yours! GLORY GREATEST COUNTRY! ARSTOTZKA PROUD!! YEEESSSS!! You just gotta keep jumping in the air, ya gotta keep on bouncing! Keep on bouncing, and glory will be yours! How apt that right after that, we would play a level called “Jacksepticeye Jumpy”! “Thanks for all the happiness, Jack!” Thank you guys! Thank you guys for making me happy. WooAh, woah, whooaaa! Get up onto this. Whooa, jesus christ. *unintelligible noises* No, no, no, no- we’re fine. (x4) We still got it. I wanna be able to stand on this fucking platform, please! Pete, Peettee… okay, come back off it, come back off it, atta boy. Att- *surprised jack noise* …OH. There we go. That’s what I wanted to do. HUAH! But I was denied my victory, wasn’t I?! There! I’m in it! So, if I HUEH and stick my pogo- ohhhhHHHHH NELLY. You’re fine! (x6, each time increasing in volume) *laughing* Less fine. HAH! *fart noise* HEUH! Out over everything! That’s how you do it, baby! Soar. Soar like an eagle. See- you know what that is? That’s success, going right above your head. To get it, you gotta jump up. Good fuckin’ jesus, I almost hit my roof. This one’s called “Jacksepticeye skill”. Now, I do have skills. Skillz (with a z) to pay the billz (with a z) for several days of the week. Of-of the week. Not of the week. Of the week. God damnit. Now I’m-now I’m all flustered. Now I’m not gonna be able to do it. Now-oh. Oh! Where’d my segway go?! Why even have a segway if it’s just gonna suck your own ass? This level, um… gets pretty LOUD! Oh god, oh go-I’m still alive! I’m still alive! I can do this! I can do thi- FUCKIN’ JETS! Wait, let’s see if there’s a secret win down here. I don’t trust you. I was right not to trust you. Yes, yes, yes, that’s a good. That’s a good! No, no, no! I’m being pinned against the wall! FUCK! Let me go! Let me go! I- I’m- F- Fuck it- Fuck it. GET OUT OF MY ASS!! Hug the wall. (x5) Yes! Now go, go, go, go! That’s a bridge of Willies. *starts laughing* You guys don’t make being awesome very easy, do you? Oh god. (x7) Ah, ffffuck! These jets just tear you apart, man! *definitely manly screech* I was fine! I was fuckin’ fine! I had it! It was in a bag, that I had! And then everything was hunky daisies. ‘S not good. There’s so much more to the level, I can’t just rest on my laurels back here! That’s it, that’s it, that’s it! Go, yes, yes, yes! The bridge of Willies, no! The bridge of Willies deceived me! Okay, can we still make it? Is- is there glory to be had? Is there glory at the end of this greatest country? If you didn’t have your FUCKIN’ LEG stuck to you- *exasperated gasp* If- *angry jack noise* We might as well call ya Patrick Stump after this. I see coins. I see coins. And where there is coins, there is glory. And that glory is going to be mine. It’s just going to take me several weeks to get there. Yes. Ye- OHH, closeness! Ohh, can ya feel the closeness? Can you feel it?! Can you feel it?! *bursts into song* CAN YA FEEL IIITTT? *sings the tune and repeats the same line* Okay, well, that does it for THIS episode of Happy Wheels! Nice little song and number to go ahead there, at the end. Oh man, standing up and recording Happy Wheels is awesome! I don’t know if I’m gonna do every video standing up. I-I mean, I started doing it recently because I just got the desk, and it was cool and all, but some videos I might still record sitting down, especially vlogs, and reading comments, and those kinda things, not every single video is gonna be standing up, but it adds so much more energy to the video! It makes me feel like I can move around more and that I can just add a whole bunch more gusto into them. It feels great, it feels refreshing. It feels fresh and new to do. Aw, so good. Anyway, THANK you guys so much for watching this episode! If you LIKED it, punch that like button IN THE FACE, LIKE A BOSS!! AND, high fives all AROUND! *wapoosh, wapoosh* But THANK you guys, and I will SEE ALL YOU DUDES… …IN THE NEXT VIDEO!!! *OUTRO! :D* Getting close, man. Episode 100 is almost upon us. *sniff* It’s such a sad day… but it’s not here yet, so we can still have fun.