No-Shave November, Reno Style – RENO 911!

Uh, I got this in last night. The State of Nevada is trying
to, uh, pass a referendum where, uh, state, and, uh,
local government employees cannot have moustaches. ‘Has anyone seen this?
Prop 5-5-1?’ – ‘They’re uh…’
– That is [bleep] I find that [bleep]. – ‘Take away our moustaches.’
– That ain’t fair. They will take my moustache from my cold,
dead upper lip, my friend. I ain’t coming into work
without a ‘stache. Junior, you was born
with that moustache, wasn’t you? Hell, yeah.
It’s my daddy’s moustache. Or he had a similar one. ‘I don’t want to work here
without a moustache.’ ‘I really don’t.’ I don’t want
to work here either. Well, you have a very light
moustache, so lucky you. It is time for a bleaching. Hi, sheriff’s department. – Oh, I didn’t do anything.
– No, no, it’s alright. No, no, no, no.
Don’t run, don’t run. Sir, I wonder if we could take
a moment of your time today. The, uh, the state government
is, uh, trying to pass a bill… (Larrie)
‘Oh, my God. Oh, no.’ Oh, no. No, it’s alright. Well, you can,
you can help us out. Oh, alright,
I thought it was a bad thing. What the state government
would like us to do is they,
they’re trying to require us to perform
our job moustache-less. (Larrie)
‘Moustache-less?’ Yes, without
the aid of moustaches and, uh, we’re trying
to get 2,000 signatures here on this petition. Why do they don’t… Why don’t
they like the moustache? Sir… All them “bureaucrats”,
they got to do something. – I think I know why.
– Why is that? ‘Cause you look like
gigolos with moustaches. You look like
paid male companions. Well, I can sign… Do you have,
like a “maybe” column? What’s your name, sir? – Larrie Plum. P-L-U-M.
– Larrie Plum. Larrie Plum. Uh, L-A-R-R-I-E. I-E? Larrie with an I-E? Yeah, same pronunciation. Well, we had two Larrys
in the family, so they went… One “Y” and one I-E
except after “C.” Initial next to
your signature there. Sure. Uh, what am I signing now? – Thank you.
– We’re good. Thank you. Well, good luck to you
in your chosen field. Sheriff’s department is trying
to take away our moustaches as deputies and we’re getting
a petition together to see if we can hold
onto ’em for a little while so if you wouldn’t mind putting
your, uh…John Henry on there you’d do us, uh, a big favor. Wait, what? We want you
to sign this petition. We’re trying
to keep our moustaches. They’re trying
to take them away. If you could just, uh, put
your old John Williams on there that’d really, uh,
give us a good– I don’t get it.
Well, there… This doesn’t make
any sense, kind of. – Yeah, yeah.
– That’s what we think, too. – It’s ridiculous.
– We think the same thing. – It’s just completely stupid.
– Yeah. I don’t, I don’t necessarily… I mean, you guys look like
a bunch of a butt darts. I think it’d be a… What, what, what, what?
We look like “butt darts?” [siren wailing] We need members of the community
to help us out by signing this petition. If you’d sign it tonight that’ll let us
keep our moustaches which will let us
keep you safe so we’d appreciate
your signatures tonight. – Okay.
– ‘Fantastic.’ Um…can we, uh sign our character names? – Sure.
– Yeah, go ahead. What’s our opinion on the
department banning mustaches? ‘Check out the action on these.’ You can’t tell whether
I’m smiling or I’m angry when I do that, hmm? Poker face. Yeah. – I think you’re gonna–
– Am I going for my gun? My lip’s not telling you.
Uh-uh. Where am I going in my kill
window? Hm? Gun, base, cuffs? Am I gonna hug you,
or am I gonna choke you out? This ain’t sayin’. And with this, forget it. ‘He could bluff me
with a, a two.’ – Am I mad at you?
– I’m folding right now. Am I about to help you
find the Arby’s? You don’t know. [rock song playing on speakers] I’ll say I, uh,
admire your conviction. Turning in your badge and gun. Keeps them, uh, wild dogs
away from you, huh?

About the Author: Michael Flood

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