Rage Quit – Happy Wheels | Rooster Teeth

Rage Quit – Happy Wheels | Rooster Teeth


[Achievement Hunter woosh intro] [Rage Quit piano intro] Michael: HOLY shit! [sighs] Go, you mother fucker, go. Holy fuck. Alright. Here I am, playing… uh… Happy Wheels, ’cause people have been asking for it for fifty fucking years. So fuck it, why not? I dunno what the fuck I’m doing OH MY GOD! NO! Woooowww… Hoooly shit. Wooooah! Fuck. fuck! GO, YOU FUCK! God damNit! Ahhhhhh fuck. I WON! Ohhhh, that totally counts!! That totally counts!! I don’t care if I got halfed!! OH MY GOD, it’s bigfoot! Oh, fuck! we’re going to bigfoot forest! He’s got his own f- How the fuck can we not find this stupid thing if he’s got his own fucking forest? This kid on the back is getting whiplash like you would not believe. I’m fucking this kid up. [scoffs] Stop bunny hopping… He’s gonna be ruined for the rest of his life; look at him! His arms are just swingin’ fu- he doesn’t even fucking give a shit. Go over the fucking rock. Oh my god, this game is like- OH! WOw, oh shit… Ohh, fuck, Wow. Uhhh… Fuck you, bitch! OHHHH shit! Oh fuck. oh OHHH! I fucking ollied him! [spinning noises] FUCK! Get that fucking ape! GET HIM! God damn it! It’s just a bump! This fucking kid in the back is weighing me down. ow. OH MY GOD!! [Screaming] Hooooly shit. Look at that fuckin’ fire, like, what, what’s happened here? Our van caught stationary fire right outside of Bigfoot forest? Like, HOLY FUCK, WHAT’RE THE ODDS OF THAT? it’s like QWOP but… playable. Look at him go! Look at the kid’s arms swinging! He’s like ,”Daddy, won’t you save me? “I don’t wanna burn to death in this van.” And he’s like, “SHUT UP, BILLY! I’M GONNA FUCKIN’ PEDAL US OUTTA HERE! WE’RE GONNA MAKE IT!!” Fuckin’ Father of the Year right there. Ohh, wow! Holy Fuck! I have no fucking legs and I’m still going. This guy is a legitimate badass. Fuck you, dickhead. Oh, fucking Go– How do I get away from Bigfoot?! He’s like forty-fuckin’-thousand miles an hour! Fucker broke like Mach 3 laid me out. Bullshit. Aaaaaand… One and two and three and four and one and two and three and four. I’M DANCIN’ MAMA! I’M A STAR! Oh God fuck that. Crazy old fuck in a wheelchair! I choose you! Fucking Pikachu…! Who–Whhhhoooaaa! Whoa–oh shit! Holy fuck! Beefcake… Holy shit! Wow! Fucking Machoke like a boss, bitch! I’m just gonna fuckin’ spin on my head some more! I got this. No, don’t go backwards you idiot! Go fuckin’ forward! Ohhhh Gooodd! God damn it I fuckin’ de-headed myself! Look at it. Look at my fuckin’ head! Look at this fuckin’ shit-sack’s blood drippin’ down. Hey asshole, you got a fuckin’ leak? Ahh, god damn it, that’s just embarrassing. I feel like I shouldn’t be using the guy with the rocket-powered wheelchair… But, it’s too cool not to use. Ooooooh wow my head almost toook a lightning bolt. WOW holy fuck I can land on my head from like a fifty foot fucking drop, but driving backwards in a wheelchair will fuckin’ decapitate me?! what the fuck kind of shit is that? That’s fuckin’ horseshit! Fuck me! I totally forgot about Machoke …and he–somehow still didn’t murder me. Fuck you Machoke! You piece o’ shit! Oh fucking Voltorb. Go–GOGO GOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! God damnit. Holy shit, whatthe fuck was tha– I died. I died. I died in the fuckin’ house well what the fu– I didn’t even see my fuckin’ CHARACTER yet are you fuckin’ kidding me? This— it looks like the fucking tree is bleeding it looks like the tree is on it’s fucking period. Go get the—nooooo my groceries!! Ohhhh just like the fuckin’ Duke boys!! Fuck. THAT never happened to the Duke boys. I lost what appears to be… a carton of milk? And now I’m s- come on I’m losing all my fuckin’ food here! Come on I need that! Oh fuck that God damn it! I almost made it Am I gonna drown? Did I drown? Did I drown? I drowned. I drowned instantly? Why is there fuckin’ clouds in the water!? That’s the sky! How-wait- WHAT? I fell into a hole and there’s clouds down here? Fuck God damn it. Great. Now I broke my fuckin’ cart! ohhh–we still got the bread! We still got the fuckin’ bread. Don’t fuck this up. Need that bread! …I’m going in the water. Ahhh! I DIDNT’ BOUNCE OF THE DUCKIE?!! BULLSHIT! I SHOULD HAVE BOUNCED OFF THE DUCKIE! And I’m–oohh I was alive for like, a sec– Am I still alive? Why did I die last time? Flip OVER! [Tapping table] FLIP OVER! YES! NO! Well, I’m fucking dead, I’m at the bottom of a lake that apparently has fucking CLOUDS in it, I have no fucking head I’ve run out of blood because it stopped spurting from my neck, so the only thing to do is I guess to just fucking end this video But how? With fucking SANTA CLAUS, MOTHAFUCKA!! WE’RE GOING TO THE NORTH POLE IN HELL GOD DAMN IT THAT IS FUCKING GRUESOME! (Outro music)

About the Author: Michael Flood

81 Comments

  1. 3:15 – 3:40 πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  2. You know this videos old when you see a bunch of β€œXD” instead of β€œπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚β€. Oh, how the times have changed…

  3. I know it's not Michaels intention, but any Michael Jones rage quit video could cure depression.
    I was having an emotional breakdown a couple hours ago and couldn't stop crying, but im feeling much better just watching his playthroughs and laughing. I'm incredibly grateful Lol

  4. 02:11
    Mach 3 lmaoooo

    04:23 πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­

  5. if this guy ever encounters something in life worthy of yelling he is going to have to make a sound so loud it vibrates every atom on earth until the whole planet melts.

  6. He’s astonished of the clouds in the water but the road going straight down on the Bigfoot level is completely normal

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