Strangers Trying to Sell You Stuff

Creepy Guy: Hey kids, do you want some candy? Kiddies: YEEEEEAAAAAAAH! Dr James: No kids! Never accept candy from strangers! Don’t you know candy can cause cavities? Next time a stranger offers you candy, just think about all the cavities you’d get (Boi nah) COMPUTER GUY: This message was brought to you by the Dentists of America Association. James: You’ve all heard the phrase ‘Stranger Danger’, right? {Yup} Probably a parent or guardian taught you that you should never trust strangers. And this really good advice because you’re just a dumb kid who doesn’t know what a pedofile {OMG} is. But all those parents/guardians grew up without the internet {I’m sorry for them} And, err…the internet is full of strangers. And I’m one of them! How much do you REALLY know about me? FLASHBACKS: I’m a math education major, I want to be a math teacher, FLASHBACK: I used to have a speech impediment when I was little. FLASHBACK: I think it was the halloween after the bunny. FLASHBACK: And that’s why I’m a furry. FLASHBACK: I, James, was a bedwetter until I was 8 {on one hand} years old! PRESENT JAMES: Ok, granted, You do know… quite a few personal details {Just a tad} The internet changes how we talk to people. Meaning it’s a lot easier to talk to strangers on the internet than in real life Because, on the internet, you can find people with the same interents, hobbies and fetishes as you do. But I find it so hard to talk to new people. I would never have enough confidence to be a door-to-door salesman. There a some jobs {Sooubway} where you have to deal with annoying customers, But being a door-to-door salesman, [TEXT ON SCREEN BTW IT SAYS THIS] You’re the annoying one. I guess I just hate bothering people. I’d be a terrible salesman. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOCK WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP sound effect. OPEN DOOR Man: Wut James: D-do you have a w-water filte-er? Man: Yeah? But I was just thinking I could use another one James: Then you probably don’t need this, I’m sorry for wasting your time! One time I did have to be a door-to-door salesman for a Boy Scouts activity. But I wasn’t even selling anything I was just telling people about a can food drive the scouts were doing. {Coz u no} As a troop, it was our job to go door-to-door to see if therewas any non-perishable food that they were willing to donate Being a nervous little kid probably benifited me, Because a lot of people were really nice, and a lot of people donated stuff. And even the people who didn’t donate we’re like: *o*: Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t have anything on me. Lil James: You don’t have any canned foods? Well, dude, that’s perfect! The house nextdoor just gave me some! Here, these are for you! But there were two houses i went to that I still remember to this day. One guy pointed to his ‘NO SOLICTING’ sign, And asked me if I knew what it said. Lil James: Yeah I know what… soa…lik-i-ting {Lickitung?} is I always thought that soliciting meant I couldn’t sell you something not that I couldn’t ask you for free food! And at the other house, all the guy said was: “Listen,” “I’m not interested…” And then both houses slammed the door in my face. Some of you are probably thinking: “That’s it?” “That was nothing,” And yeah, looking back at the situation, I got off pretty easily. People who are every-day door-to-door salesman probably have to deal with way worse stuff every day! {WOOF!} But as a fragile-minded kid who was just doing what his scout master told him to do, those experiences scarred me {I wantto give u a hug 🙁 } Luckily, I’m not a salesman. So I’m usually the person on the other side of the door. I never know what to say to these people. For the longest time I used to tell them the exact same thing: “My mum {UK!!!!!} isn’t home…” But one day, that’s not gonna work! So for now, I’ve just got to pretend I’m interested, tell them I’ll give them a call, and then put their leaflet into the pile. My grandma though… she… err… would treat these door-to-door salesman VERY differently. You see my grandma is known as the nicest person on the planet. So she would invite these salesman inside, offer them a glass of water, and then show them pictures of her grandkids. I’m not exaggerating! One time I was just at my Gram-Gram’s house just playing some video games. And this person, an adult person I’d never seen before, just starts watching me play! “Are you one of my cousins?” {YOU DINGUS!} And then my grandma gave him a big cup of water filled with ice and a straw, they’d talk for a bit, he left and I asked: “Gram-Gram, who was that?” Old Gram-Grammy Grandma: “Oh… it was just someone trying to sell me a vaccum cleaner…” But salesmen don’t have it the hardest on the doorstep, they are also Jehovah witnesses and Mormon missionaries who are literally trying to SAVE YOUR SOUL! I can’t even be mad at these people, because if I had the secret to eternal happiness, wouldn’t you be telling everyone in your neighbourhood too? They’re trynna do good and all but whenever they show up Jeff: “Hello, do you have time for… to be baptized? Oh, sorry guys, you’re wasting your time. You see, I’m an YouTuber {that’s how he said it} so I’m not going to heaven. Here’s a story that’s a prime example of me failing to talk to people. I had just finished shopping at Walmart {ASDA} and this isn’t important to the story but Adam from SomeThingElseYT was there. Adam: “Hello,” “Walmart {ASDA} is where I make friends,” I was walking to my car and I started eating an uncrustables frozen PB&J sandwich that I bought, and this guy drives up to me and yells, “MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN, you’re not even waiting to get in the car, you’re just eating that thing up!” James: “Yeah, I was hungry,” Then he pulls his car over and says “Alright, listen fellas,” “I’m travelling to Buckeye {?} and I need $8 for gas,” “But I forgot my wallet at home,” and I thought “Huh, that’s coincidentally how much a pack of cigarettes costs,” He offered us some CDs for exchange for $8, but Adam said the smart thing, “Sorry man, I don’t have any cash on me,” and he showed the man his empty wallet, James: “Haha, poor!” “All I have is $10” “You stupid motherf- {PG! FAMILY FRIENDLY!} *SNIFFF* I don’t know why I said that. I think I was actually gonna pay this guy $8 if I had exact change. But here’s the thing, I didn’t only have $10 I also had $20 The guy saw my cash and said: “Man! Pfft! ‘All you have is $10’ Nah man, I see you have another $20!” and then he raised the price of his CDs from $8 to $30! Like I said, I should’ve handled the situation differently, I should’ve handed him $10, and said “Now give me $2 back!” But he had a solid argument, “If there were 20 dudes who all tried to jump you, I’d have your back!” Now that’s not a bad price for a Walmart {ASDA} parking-lot {CAR PARK} body-guard. “Y’know man, you’ve got to realise that money is just an object…” Ok, then why do you want it? He asked us: “You boys like rap music?” James: “He does,” Adam: “Yeah, I do, I listen to like Eminem, Kendrick Lamar, and Ch–” “O-oh no…” And then the man pulled out his CDs but he didn’t have a CD player in his car, so he asked me if he could use my CD player, and I said “Sure” but my CD player already had my mixtape in that I never took out So when I turned on my CD player: [MIXTAPE STARTS AND JAMES TRIES TO COUGH OVER IT BUT EVERYONE CAN HEAR IT CLEAR AS DAY] “*COUGH* I got something in my throat” By the way if you wanna listen to my whole mixtape, link is in the description {SHAMELESS PLUG} Adam and I started listening to his CDs and the man started doing this: “Mm! Yeah! That’s the good stuff!” “So what’s it gonna be, little man, you gonna give me the money or not, huh?” “Do I need to get my gang of 19 other dudes out, HUH!?” [MUSIC] Adam: “So…” [Adam blows raspberries] “Can I have $30?” “Nah, I just gave my last 30 away,” James: “I’m gonna make a video about this.” Yeah, I ended up giving the guy my $30! Honestly I didn’t get the ‘Meth-Head Drug-User Vibe” from him {GEEZ! ‘Meth-Head’, this is PG right?} He was more of a ‘Goofy Dad Who Just Needed $30’ And after I gave him the money he thanked us, Saying things like ‘God, bless you’ And talking about how much he was gonna miss his CDs, “Turn the music down I miss it already!” Now was I scammed out of $30, and this guy is laughing to himself that he stole a used CD to a white boy? Yeah, that definitely could be a possibilty. But I hope whoever this guy is, he pays this good deed forward. And I hope you made it to wherever you need to be. In conclusion, never carry cash on you, kids. [END CARD] Adam: And that was that ladies and gentlemen, That was the whole story! It was a pretty good story, I mean 5/7. Y’know, James sucks at talking to people. Thanks to everyone who helped colour this video, that’s really awesome of you, really cool, really good of you to do that. Thashabgjdihsjdhsdimsdh PAHAH! End of the script. Erm. James didn’t really leave me much to say, for his end card.So I’m going to say whatever I want! Where’s the Jake Paul book? ‘Chapter One’ So Where do we begin? ‘When I was in high school’ ‘I used to dread opening books’ And that’s as much as I’m gonna read! Yeah, I’m not too good at this, err, this end card thing 😛 So, err, how’s your day? IT’s cool, it’s cool. Y’know what else is cool? I don’t know – hate to brag, But I, I got a youtube channel myself! Don’t forget to like, comment and subscribe! Comment down below your favourite part of the video. Like that smash button {10/10} And, iojiuooewhsl, as always, Wear your stay hydrated.

About the Author: Michael Flood

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *