Weird City – Ep 1 “The One”

Weird City – Ep 1 “The One”

(theme music) (hip-hop music) (footsteps thudding softly) – Hey, uh, Steffi,
what time is it? (Steffi, electronic voice):
Hello, Stu. It is 6:04 PM. – Shit. (hip-hop music continues) (indistinct chatter) – I’m so tired
of truffles. – Me too. I hear they
have great food vehicles Below The Line but I’m simply
too scared to go down there. (pretentious laughter) (Steffi): You Must Eat Here.
Three Stars. Reminder: as a resident
of Above the Line you must eat here
by end of month. – Okay, we’ve got the Belgian
Long Grain Wheat Quintuple IPA. – Don’t mind if I do! (breathes in) – Creamy nose feel, you know.
– Nice. – And a Pumpkin Saffron
Super Double Triple IPA. – Boom. – And who is the lager
in a bottle for? – That’s my buddy.
Sorry. He’s always late. – Had to dig way back in the
cooler for this. Didn’t even
know we had them anymore. Can I get you handsome
gentlemen anything else? – Hey! Whoa, whoa!
We’re both happily married! – Easy now!
(chuckling) – That’s great!
– Yeah. – Dewis!
– Stu! – Whaddup, bro!
– Whaddup?! (exclamations, beeping noises) Stu, Pobby. Pobby, Stu.
– Nice to meet you, bro.
– Good to meet you, bro. Sorry I’m late. – You know what?
I hear you’re always late. – Hey! Ah, guilty. Oh, jeez, you had it!
Thank you. – How do you
drink that stuff? – Hm. Love this stuff.
Just grew up on it, you know.
“Lay-ger”. – That’s rough.
– Yeah. Stu, any dates
this week, man? – No… none this week.
Actually, I haven’t had one
since last month. – Dates? You weren’t assigned
at birth? Why? – Oh, Stu grew up
Below The Line. – Oh shit.
– Yeah. Nobody Below The Line
gets assigned. You have to date. But then my mom invented
an app that removes apps
from your brain. – The UnAppetizer?
– Yeah. So she made
a whole bunch of money, we moved Above The Line.
I was already 18 by then,
so I still gotta date. – Dude, I love
The UnAppetizer. – Everybody does.
– Hold on, I’m getting
something here. Steffi?
(Steffi): Hello, Pobby.
What can I do for you? – Launch UnAppetizer. – UnAppetizer recommends
deleting Meet-Me-Sex-Me
as you are now married. It also recommends deleting
Where-See-Movie-At as
all movies are available on me. It recommends deleting
Get-Buff-Quick as
you have clearly given up. – Oh… – Man, that’s crazy.
You know, the dating world. I feel like I just did my
assigned hook ups after college, and then did a little
Meet-Me-Sex-Me, and then, I married Nachel,
and… it’s good.
It is good. – Yeah, I mean, I gotta say,
the dating world is brutal. I don’t know, I’m starting
to think I might just be
single forever. – Sorry to interrupt
but I was eavesdropping. Have you tried
The One That’s The One? – Uh… no. No. What is The One That’s The One? – A dating site. It’s called The One That’s
The One because it promises, 100% guaranteed, to
send you The One That’s The One.
The perfect person for you. – Oh. – That’s how
I met my wife, Mequela. – How do you spell that? – M, Q, ampersand, laaaaaaa.
– Hm. – Old school spelling.
– Nice. – You haven’t seen
the commercial? – No.
– Here. – Do you work for the company? – I’m still waiting
to hear back. – Oh… – Grew up Below The Line?
Sick of your mandated mate? Looking for someone,
but coming up with none? Just plain tired of
the dating scene?
Well, try… The One That’s The One! At Negari Labs, we used
a combination
of specific questions combined with DNA testing
to assure that you get
your perfect match! Our city’s prized scientist,
Dr. Negari, has developed an algorithm
that promises to send you
not just anyone, but The One That’s The One.
– It even worked for me! – Get outta here
you dotty old lovebirds! Come on down to Negari Labs
today – and find your
The One That’s The One! Get outta here! I’m dancing. – Huh. – Stu? Stu Maxsome?
– Yes. Oh, hey, it’s you.
From the commercial. – I have no idea what
you’re talking about. Follow me. – I can’t believe I’m
doing this. At first,
I thought: no way! No way am I gonna do that. I mean, I don’t know,
isn’t that like, uh,
I don’t know, me doing One That’s The One,
isn’t that like someone from
Above The Line being assigned? Yeah, it is!
And then, I thought: Well, I’m Above The Line now,
maybe I should do it. Also, I was just
sort of depressed. My mom has been really hard
on me about finding somebody. Not crazy, though.
She’s really sweet. She’s–
– I can tell you’re nervous. Just relax, I assure you’ll be
satisfied with our service. – Yeah… – Okay. So, as the machine
extracts and scans your DNA, I’m gonna ask you
a few questions.
– Sure. – The results of these
two tests will give us the information we need to find
your One That’s The One. – Great.
– All that matters is that
you answer honestly. – Sure.
– Okay. Ahem. What is your
favourite number? – Three. No, eight. – It’s okay, the questions
can be a little awkward. Just answer honestly. – Okay.
– What is your
favourite number? – Four.
– Good. – What is your favourite food?
– Pepperoni pizza. – Me too!
Okay, next question. You’re in the desert walking
in the sand when all of
a sudden, you look down, you see a tortoise
crawling towards you. You reach down
and flip it over on its back. – Oh.
– The tortoise lays
there on its back, its belly baking in the sun,
its legs flailing. It can’t turn itself over
without your help. But you’re not helping.
Why is that? – Oh… I don’t know.
I feel like I’d probably help. – Huh. – Is it… – You meet someone that
reminds you of someone you
just saw in a commercial. He denies being that person.
What do you do? And sign here.
– Okay. – Great. And that’s 82 credits.
– Okay. (ding!) – Okay.
– Congratulations. Dr. Negari will enter
all your information
into the algorithm and your One That’s The One
will arrive at your home
tonight exactly at midnight. – Oh, midnight. Okay. – For dramatic effect. – All right. Ha. – … and find your
One That’s The One! – I’ll see ya! – Good night! (soft music) (sighing) – Hi, I’m Stu. Hi! I’m Stu. Mm! Tsk. (sighing) (doorbell ringing) (Steffi): You have a visitor.
– But… I’m coming! – Hi. – Hi. Can I help you? – Uh… I’m Burt… Uh…
I’m your One That’s The One. – Are you…?
Oh, don’t come in. Uh, no. I’m sorry. That’s…
That’s just, that’s ridiculous. You can’t be my
One That’s The One.
– No, of course not. I mean – and I apologize
for asking you this – are you a homosexual?
– No.
– Well, neither am I! – Right. See? Okay,
so clearly there’s been
some kind of mix-up. – Yeah. I mean,
I guess so. I want my money back.
No offence. – Hey! None taken. (sighing)
Man! – Ah, don’t take it
so hard, buddy. – No, it’s just… I don’t know, sometimes
I start feeling like I’ll
never find anybody. Just… It sucks. Sucks to be
born Below The Line. – Where? What neighbourhood? – Hallubeck Heights,
right by Ooscar and Benowen. – I used to sell cars
down there before
I got transferred. – No way!
– God, I was happy for that.
– Tell me about it, huh? (laughter) – Well, it was nice meeting you
all the same. Burt Chund. – Hey, yeah, you too.
Stu Maxsome. You know, honestly, I’m
just… I’m glad someone
finally showed up. It got to be 12:15 and I was
thinking no one was coming. – I’m sorry about that –
I’m always late. Something
I should work on. – No, don’t think
twice about it. Well, hey, listen, I got
kinda hungry, I was actually
gonna grab some food. I don’t know,
you wanna come? – I could eat.
– Yeah?
– You ever go to Al’s? – Al’s Diner? Below The Line?
Love that place! (announcement on PA): Be careful
proceeding below the line. – Reason for going
Below The Line? – Gonna get diner food.
– Gross. – Normally I don’t love
patting people down, but when they got muscles like
you, I don’t mind so much. – I’m glad I could make
your night better. – Ha!
– Okay, let’s go. – Right behind ya! Bye. (devilish laughter) (sighing) – I love when they’re gonna blow
the door off that armoured car. – Oh, yes, yes!
And they decide not to. – It blows up anyway!
– Yes, right. I love that show. – Hey, Al. – What do you want?
(both): Egg-white omelette– – Oh. – Uh, egg-white omelette.
But could you fry the yolks
and put them on the side? – What? No way!
That’s my order. I mean, that’s literally
what I order. That’s so funny. ‘Cause I like the yolks, but…
– Separate!
– Yeah. Yeah. I’m gonna do the same. – Okay. – What are the odds?
– It’s unbelievable! (laughter) – … but then,
my wife passed away. – Oh. I’m sorry about that.
– It’s okay. It
was a long time ago. I got this.
– Oh, no, come on,
let me get it. – No.
– No, please.
– No, I got it. – I invited you, let me just…
– Hey. Hey, hey.
No, no, I got it. I got it. – Alright.
Thank you. (ding!) – Well, that was fun.
– Yeah, that was a blast. And look, if I ever need a new
car, I know who to call, right? – Please. My days on the floor
are over. I’m a desk jockey now. – Listen, I’m back this way
actually, so… – Oh. Well… – See you around? – Oh, I… I’m sorry,
I didn’t… – No, it’s… weird
that I went for the hug. Take it easy. – Yep! Bye!
– Yes. (soft music) Hello? Hello-o-o?! (soft snoring)
Hello? (softly): Dr. Negari? – Hello?!
(screaming) (both screaming)
(all three screaming) – Wait a minute!
– Whoa, wait!
– Wait a minute! (whooshing, thudding) Well, I guess he didn’t want
to give us our money back. – Yeah, I guess not.
Good to see ya. What are you doing?
Wanna get lunch or something? – Well, I had some work
to do, but… – Do you like grilled cheese? (panting) That was crazy. Had no idea that
was gonna happen. – Me neither. Well… maybe some idea. – Did you still want
that grilled cheese? – Nope. I don’t even
like grilled cheese. – I’m lactose intolerant.
– Stop! You dog!
(chuckling) (birdsong) (cheerful pop song) (no audible dialogue) (barking) (pop music continues) – I can’t believe
I’m gonna meet your parents. Do I look okay?
– Stop it. You look great. – You like my sweater vest?
– Yes, I love it!
It’s very dignified. – Dignified. But
its main purpose is
to hold my stomach in. – Hey! I love
that stomach. That’s my stomach.
Come on. – Stu!
– Hey! There they are!
Hi, guys! – Good to see you! – Mom, Dad, this is Burt. – Hi, I’m Ron.
Very nice to meet you,
Mr. Chund. – Call me Burt.
My father was Mr. Chund. (laughter) – He’s as witty as you said,
Stu! I’m Linda. – Enchanté. – Ooh, bonjour.
(laughing) – Okay, dear. – Yeah, take it easy, Mom. (laughter) – Oh, I love that song!
– Hey, let’s sing it! ♪ Whoa-oh-h, cha-cha!
Please Mr. Line Guard Man ♪ ♪ Don’t check my bag-ah ♪
♪ Bag-ah! ♪ – Oh, I loved Marlo Umfree.
I saw him live 17 times. – Whoa!
– Stu, you sure know
how to choose ’em. – Thanks, Dad. I was kinda
nervous that you guys
would be… I don’t know,
upset about his age. – Oh!
– You kidding me? You’ve given us another
old fogey to talk about
the good old days with. – Oh, hey, Linda, Stu
mentioned you liked owls, and so, I picked one up
for you. I hope you like it. – Burt!
Oh, that’s so sweet! (gasping): Oh!
– Wow! – Oh! A mechanical owl! It’s beautiful! Oh, it’ll look perfect with
my collection. Thank you. Are you guys staying
for dinner?
– Please! – Dinner?
– Yeah! – Sure, thank you.
– Yay! – Jesus. I’m nervous. Sweating.
– Don’t be. They’re great kids. Besides, this is different
from me meeting your parents. These are my kids,
and if they don’t like you, I’ll tell them they have to. – I just feel like
they’ll be comparing me
to their mother. – Stu, listen. Martha was
a wonderful woman, and when she passed away,
none of our lives were the same. But these are good kids.
They want to see
their dad happy. Kids! There they are! Plisa, this is Stu. – Hi.
– Hi! Nice to meet you. – You too! – Dad, you didn’t tell me
he was super hot. – I wanted
to surprise you. Booj, this is Stu.
– Booj, how are you? – Forget this! I’ll be
in the backyard. – Sorry. He’s just… adjusting. – I’m gonna go
talk to him. – Actually, no,
you know what? Let me go talk to him. (creaking) Hey, bud. – Hey. – You’re, uh…
You’re pretty great
on that thing. Hey, you, uh…
you like Safeball?
(toy beeping) – Yeah. I guess. – Why don’t you… go long? Come on! (Booj sighing)
It’ll be fun. There you go.
Get out there. You play
in high school? – Yeah. I played
at Central Awards. – Hey, I played
at Highland Awards. Man, you Above the Line guys
always kicked our butts. (toy beeping) Listen, how you holding up? – It’s just, you’re not my mom. – Hey, hey, I totally get that.
Alright? I don’t want to be your mom.
Look, I couldn’t be. From what your dad says,
she was one of a kind. – Yeah, she-she was. But I mean, that’s
not everything. – Come on, champ,
you can tell me. – After Mom died, I just got
really depressed. So then, eventually,
my assigned mate… filed for unassignment. – Well, look, have you tried
going to the therapy
vending machines? – No. That’s what
my sister did. I don’t know, I feel like
I should maybe try to just
figure it out for myself. – Listen. Hey, it’s okay.
Look at me. You don’t think I was
scared getting into this
with your dad? I was terrified. He’s a big man. – Yeah.
– Yeah. Well, listen, if there’s
one thing that I can tell you, it’s that anything –
anything – can be overcome with
a little bit of courage. And I know you got
some of that. Right? You just gotta find it. Where is it? Huh?
Is it there? – No.
– No? Right over there? – No.
– Where is it?
Where’s that courage? – Not there.
– Yeah, where is it?
Come on! – It’s right here.
– Yeah! That’s where it is.
There’s my big guy. You alright?
Come here. – Thanks, Stu. (soft music) – Hey, Egg White, when you gonna finish
that up and give
your old man a back rub? – Why am I the one decorating
this tree, and why am I the one
giving the back rubs? (chuckling)
(doorbell ringing) Who could that be at this time?
(Steffi): You have a visitor. – Come on in! – You? – That’s the guy from
The One That’s The One
commercial? – No, I’m the technician
from Negari Labs. – Same guy.
– I assure you I’m not. – Huh…
– What is with this– – Mr. Chund. Mr. Maxsome.
– We’re both Mr. Maxsome now. – Oh. Well, I don’t normally
make house calls, but this is a special situation. You see, when Dr. Negari
computed your input at The One That’s The One,
he made a mistake. He forgot to carry the one.
You are not each other’s
One That’s The One. – But we’ve been together
for a year. – Yeah, I mean,
we’re married. – I can’t apologize
enough. It’s the first mistake
in the history of
The One That’s The One. Mr. Maxsome. This is your
One That’s The One. – Oh… – Mr… Maxsome. This is yours. – Al from the diner?
– Yes. – It’s still a dude?
– Yes. – Huh. – We should have
connected you two. Al got so lonely,
he relocated to Irmingblam. – Irmingblam’s horrible
this time of year.
– So humid. – Listen, we don’t care
what you say, okay? We’re satisfied
with these results. We really love one
another. We’re happy. – I understand that. But
you can’t argue the science. – Forget the science. We work. I mean, we may contradict
some data, but why would
that matter? – I’m afraid this is about more
than just you two. – Dr. Negari?
– Were you waiting out
by the entranceway all this time?
Why didn’t you just walk in? – I don’t know. – That’s
really weird. – That’s your opinion. You see, the upper classes
are assigned mates at birth
to preserve order. There is much more at stake
here than just
your relationship. Order is the foundation of
our community Above The Line. You two have been mandated
for separation. – What?! No.
No way are we
separating. – You should have looked more
closely at your paperwork. In the fine print it says that
in the event of a mistake, separation is legally required. – Who’s gonna make us?
– Yeah? – I am. Actually, those two will,
but because I tell them to. – Were you two out here
this whole time? – Yeah, again, just…
super weird. Like, how many more
people are in the house?
– Shut up. You have two hours
to separate. – Two hours? – Two hours.
– Yeah, I… got it. – Well, that’s everything. (whispering): You want to try
to take these guys out? – I’m going to
miss you so much. (whispering):
They’re armed.
We can’t take them. (guards chattering indistinctly) – This could’ve been great.
– It was great! – Hey, I know. Come here. Shh. Did you get
your pod ticket? – Yep. Leaving for
Irmingblam 10 pm, Thursday. (notification chime) – Oh… My Car Homie
is here, so… I gotta go. Bye, Burt. Good luck in Irmingblam. – Goodbye… Egg White. (nostalgic music) (birdsong) (soft rock music) – So, did you notice that
I get my egg whites, right? But then, I get the yolks
on the side. – Why would you do that? – ‘Cause I don’t… like them
with the egg whites, so… ♪ If you aim to find another ♪ ♪ I’d rather be lonely
any day ♪ ♪ I’d rather be alone ♪ ♪ I can only count the hours ♪ ♪ Of the good times we had ♪ ♪ So you know ♪ ♪ I don’t consider the bad
so bad ♪ ♪ If you aim to find another ♪ ♪ Oh can’t you hear me
when I say ♪ – Whoa, whoa! Whoa,
what are you doing? – Uh… Nothing. I’m doing nothing. And I should be doing something. Burt! Burt! Burt! ♪ I’m not here to change
your foolish disposition baby ♪ ♪ We’ve been here before ♪
♪ Ah ♪ ♪ A million times or more ♪
♪ Ah ♪ Burt! Burt! Burt! Wait! Burt, wait! (whooshing) (panting)
Why am I always late? (Burt): Good thing
I’m always late too. (grunting) – Screw science.
– Yeah, screw science. (cheerful pop music) (sobbing) (barking) (indistinct chatter) (beeping) You know, I think
we’re gonna like it here. – Me too, Egg White. (dogs barking in the distance) You know what? I want
to try something. It’s silly,
but let me try. – Ooh! Carry me
to the threshold?
– Yeah, yeah. – No, that’ll be cute.
Yeah, I like this. (grunting)
There we go. – Ah! Nah.
– No? No? – Better walk.
– Walk. Let’s walk in. – Yeah. All right…
– Yeah. (funky electronic music)

About the Author: Michael Flood


  1. dylan you're desperate or you just have a low opinion of yourself? being unemployed is way better than playing stupid roles …this and that TEOFF… please fire your manager man… you deserve better

  2. I like this,its weird but in a good way,shows that you shouldnt let others get inbetween love no matter how smart they are

  3. มันแปลกตรงที่ผมคิดว่ามันไม่ควรเป็นเรื่องแปลก

  4. So i think this is my life, i’ve met someone and then i think we connected each other because we love the same…but then his gone.

  5. Its funny how ed always has the young good looking ones on tv and in real life his wife is 8 years younger. Spewing she wasnt 30 cause that would be funny

  6. I'm sorry but if I hadnt known Dylan was in it, I would have never watched it. It was smart putting these two in the polit episode, otherwise I dont think not as many people would have watched it.

  7. I thought,Dylan is a past and Thomas is a future.and then they meet,so that wierd.


    Dylan was gay getting relationship with Thomas so that was made me shock! 😂😍

  8. lavar burton is an OG, the way he showed up in their house had me dead. This show is giving me some black mirror vibes but i digg it so far

  9. When I first saw the thumbnail I immediately thought of a teen wolf comeback with Stiles screaming at something weird and scary as always

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